Favor

God put Esther in a place of favor.  But, I have come to realize, that the favor shown to Esther was to accomplish God’s plan for Israel.  Mordecai says to Esther, “perhaps you have come to royalty for such a time as this.”  Esther has always been marked as a hero for putting her life on the line to save her people.  I was always confused because it didn’t seem like such a stretch, really: the king adored her which brought her to the place in which she was favored.  

What struck me is what Mordecai said before he delivered the much-quoted line above: “for if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish.”  Then, he goes on to deliver his continued wisdom.

Esther was shown favor by King Xerxes, but more specifically, by God.  Often, we interpret the “favor of God” as being promoted by worldly terms, or having several good things happen to us or coming into some great financial abundance.  In fact, many people practice obedience out of expectation of favor.  

However, according to Esther’s story, true favor is simply being in the right place at the right time to accomplish God’s will.  Obedience, then, is seeking his will to accomplish in our circumstances.  It’s true that not all circumstances are from God; many of our situations are of our own device, but consider Job, who was favored by God, a "servant...blameless and upright".  He did not exactly have what the world would see as a streak of favor, but God calls him favored because he allowed faith to outweigh his circumstance.

Psalm 147:10-11 says, “His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”  People look at my body and they see “broken”, which explains why their first inclination is often to pray for healing or to question the depth of my faith, much like Job’s friends did amidst his trial.  

I ask you to consider that perhaps what looks like a bout of bad luck, what looks like a streak of good luck, what looks like a struggle, or what looks like an abundance are all simply opportunities for us to exercise God’s favor: to realize that we are placed in our situation for a specific time.  If we do not act, God’s will shall certainly carry on, but favor is being chosen to carry out God’s plan in a place and time that might just include our unusual circumstance, no matter how ugly it might look.

#whoselifematters

Guess what?  People come in all different colors.  For some reason, the color of a person has been associated with their worth for as long as records of society have been kept.  Often, people end up in one of two schools on this: 1 - a person's color does not matter and therefore it does not exist (this is the colorblind theory), or 2 - a person's color determines their status, their worth, their personality, etc. (this is often referred to as racism, but is actually the definition of prejudice).  More extremely, you have those who are, in fact, racist, and exhibit hatred toward those with different colors of skin.

Regardless of the school, I think many of us are lying to ourselves.  We clearly are different colors, and there is no association between a person's skin color and their worth aside, from what we have imposed.  We should not deny either fact, nor should it become as raging an issue as it has today.

I am not going to comment on specific events, but suffice it to say that race has become the hot button issue in the media, with several acts of violence/aggression committed among the American people, mainly between those classified as white, and those classified as black.

These acts are not always racially motivated, but since we don't hear of them until after they occur, we are forced to derive details from remaining evidence, often that the suspect and the victim are sporting quite different skin colors.  This leads many to assume there is a racism component; an assumption which, in itself, is sad news for the American people, for to have a person believe a crime is motivated by skin color points to the idea that skin color difference continues to be an issue.

Racism is a problem.  It's a problem that we, the people, have.  I am not racist, but I know people who are and I know people who have been victims of it.  The question is, how do we fight it?

It seems our best attempts at present include facebook statuses, flag pic wars, hashtag campaigns, and countless debates as to whether people and actions and things are racist.  Like, it's not even really a good attempt, guys.  In trying to fight racism, we've ended up fighting each other, which is really how racism got its claim in the first place!

The truth is we are wasting our weapons in the wrong fight.

27For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise.
Galatians 3:27-29

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12

The other day I was pulling out of the parking lot of a shopping center and I saw two young black women pull over right in the middle of the lane to exit the lot.  They got out of their car and started running.  It was a strange sight.  I thought maybe the car had broken down or maybe they had lost something out the window?

I looked ahead and an older-aged white man was attempting to push his car down the median of the highway outside of the parking lot.  He was not getting anywhere any time soon, until he suddenly gained speed.  He appeared befuddled at first, until he turned and saw the two women helping him push the car down the street and safely into a gas station, at which point the women turned about and ran right back across the street to get into their car.

We will not win the war against evil by fighting one another.  Hashtags and facebook statuses will not win this battle.  Victory will not come through armchair debate.

We will win the war against evil by responding to the call, by refusing to let skin color be a thing, by laying down our pride and our false judgments, and picking each other up, leading each other to the cross, and running back across the road.

I Don't Know

All my recent posts have been pretty pitiful.  It's been kind of pitiful year.  I was holding onto hope of having a child by natural means and now that they removed Roger (my super-gigantic extraneous tumory organ situation), and my fallopes are squished.  Way to go, body, way to go.

I went through the stages of grief and got all disappointed in God and felt a little dead inside.

So there I was all sorry for myself and crying out to God who was strangely quiet on the subject and I got to the point where I had nothing more to say.

"I don't know why, God, I just don't know."

"That's right," he spoke, "you don't"

"..." I said.

"But I do"

Mind=blown

He proceeded to tell me lots of things I don't know.  And he was right.  I didn't know them.  And I didn't know why the fallopians failed.  I didn't know why I had to be in that stupid car accident to begin with.

And I still don't.

Hallelujah, I am FREE!

For my ENTIRE life, I have felt the need to explain God to the many people who wanted to know if there was some purpose for my challenges.  I gave them a pretty answer, too.  I just knew things happened for a reason and I learned so much from my circumstance and my disability.  I just knew God had made me stronger and more determined through my struggle.  I knew so much.  I thought.

Nope.

Truth: God knows what he's doing.

I have no freaking clue.

I'm excited to answer the next person who asks me, because I finally know how to respond:

I DON'T KNOW!

But I know who does :)

The King and I

I just finished a season of disappointment.  I got angry with God, disappointed in my circumstances.  I felt inadequate, unfairly targeted, and perhaps a little unloved.

Sad story, right?

I got into this season with the best of intentions.  For the year 2015, it was my goal to stand on the promises of God and claim these promises every time I prayed.  At first, this was a good practice.  I became disciplined in the art of faith: knowing and claiming that God would deliver what I was requesting in earnest.

Then the metamorphosis.

My daily time with God became consumed with my requests.  After all, I was becoming skilled in the art of faith, so it was all in the name of practice.

Then my body failed me again.  Twice.  Grumble.

I decided God had failed me and went all two-year-old on him because I hadn't got my way.

It was a cute temper tantrum.

Then God used the whole debacle to teach me one of the most valuable lessons of my life: trusting Him when I won't get what I want.

Part of this lesson came by a lesser known man mentioned in 2 Samuel: Mephibosheth (not as easy to pronounce as David)

Mephibosheth happened to be, as the Bible puts it, "lame in both feet".  David wished to honor Jonathan by blessing his relatives, so he sought such relatives out, and found Mephibosheth, Jonathan's grandson.  David was a king at this point, so he had everything at his disposal.  He took Mephibosheth, likely considered the lowest of the low, and invited him to dine at the king's table, along with the most respected of society.

Following a conflict later in 2 Samuel, David was sifting through his people to find those who remained loyal to him.  Mephibosheth came to him, unkempt, and assured the king of his allegiance to him.  Mephibosheth came with humility beyond understanding, probably due to his own circumstances, but who could call himself better?

"All my grandfather's descendants deserved nothing but death from the lord my king, but you gave your servant a place among those who eat at your table.  So what right do I have to make any more appeals to the king?" - 2 Samuel 19:28

How often have I come to God with my requests assuming that because he said he would give me the desires of my heart, somehow he owes them to me?  How much more of a difference is there between the king I serve and the one Mephy bowed to?

What right do I have to make any more appeals to the King?

Sometimes I forget I serve royalty and all I am is a lame servant, yet my King takes time to hear me and speak to me and care about my life and allows me to dine at his table.

And I deserved nothing but death.