Act Your Age

I turned 30 yesterday. Usually, after my birthday, I don't feel any different, but for this one, I did. Something has been switching (on or off, I'm not yet certain) inside me in the weeks leading up to my 30th birthday. They say as you get older, you care less and less about what other people think. It's weird, too, it's not like you are even trying to do it, but it does happen. In fact, I spent most of my 20s trying to care less about what people thought of me and more of what God thought of me, but I could only go so far. Suddenly, it just clicked. Seriously, design-ful! I've long since recognized the part my parents have played in the development of my borderline neuroses regarding perfection, but suddenly I recognize this as being in perfect tense, complete, with no capacity for alteration. Suddenly, I realize that recognizing the root is not enough. Heck, even ripping it out and replacing it with [insert beautiful plant name here] is not enough! Simply, I realize that I have a responsibility to move on, to rebuild, to redefine. I think in the naivete that accompanied me in my 20s I saw this transformation as just that, one night I go to sleep in my morbid cocoon state and the next morning I emerge a wondrous creature, free of imperfections and ready to face the world with both beautiful wings. I now recognize how long it takes the poor butterfly to emerge, and how it must pull one body part out at a time, spend time drying off, and then, yes, it does fly, but one wing-flap at a time, and still must face this great big world - the same one I am facing, incidentally! I am learning to make small changes, one at a time, to recognize my shortcomings and REJOICE in them!! Knowing who God says I am is one thing, but being content with who that is, well, that's another! To me, confidence has always been a mood, or sometimes, when I am out of such a mood, it's a pep talk, wherein I must force myself to "step up", initiate conversation with people, be comfortable with who I am, how I look, who I know, what I say, etc. What I have learned is this: Confidence: a state of being certain, a trust placed in another Yes, thank you very much!! Confidence is not comfort, it's certainty! It is not based on what I am, but on whose I am - it is set on whom I trust! When I trust in God, I become certain that what he says is truth, I know he has my back, I know who I am, and I can move confidently (though likely not comfortably) to the next [insert awesome action, thought, conversation starter, etc. here]! That's right: I'm THIRTY!!! Look out :)