Times of Grief

It's interesting to observe during times of grief.  I've been there: your friend has recently lost someone close to them, what do you do/say?  What's the right thing to say?  A bit of advice...

It doesn't exist

The right thing to say does not exist.  There is no magic cure for grief, there are no words that can give comfort.  Even straight out of the bible words will not help your friend feel better.  Truly, the only thing that helps is time.  This time should be filled with offers of encouraging verses, words, prayers, and comfort, but don't expect these offerings to solve anything is all I'm saying.

With time, however, your friend will return.  If she does not, that's when you fight, but that's another post.

Today I want to talk about what not to say.  A young friend of mine who recently lost her dad said it best: "I don't mind people touching me, I don't mind the hugs, the cards, the sad looks, just don't give me advice.  I don't need your advice.  Everything you are telling me I already know - I don't need to hear it."  This is true, my friends.  This is what not to say.  Again, nothing you can say will be filling that void anytime soon.

When she said this, I smiled because I realized that this is what people do to me all the time.  I am not angry about it, but it is interesting.  People try to give me advice that is never helpful, they try to give help that is seldom useful, they try to feel sorry for me, which doesn't really offer solution, they try to connect their own experiences with my own, and somehow it just isn't filling a void.  These are the things people do when they see my wheelchair.

I began to wonder if, to the outside world, I look like someone who is grieving.  Do you feel compelled to rush to my aid, to find those magical words that will make me feel better about my life?  

The funny thing is, I'm okay.  Time has certainly healed me, but you don't see that, so you feel the need to provide me with comfort.  Your heart is in the right place, but your solution does not exist.

Only God can comfort in times of grief, only God has the solution we are looking for.  Only he can fill the void of, well, anything.

So what do you do when you feel for someone going through?  My husband said it best: "In the Bible, whenever someone was mourning, his friends would just go and sit with him.  Mourn, or fill little needs, talk if necessary, but basically just sit and be there."

True dat.

Oooooh, Oooooh! Me, Me!

Remember the annoying kid in class who was practically jumping out of her seat, flailing her raised arm, desperate for the teacher to call on her because she knew the right answer? Yeah, I was totally that kid. I have spent most of my life achieving, earning, striving for perfection. This works fantastically in jobs and careers, in most relationships, and even in church. But strive as I might, I have hit a wall. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to achieve the purpose God has set forth for my life. I have asked him over and over, and read into little things here and there, knowing - just KNOWING - that I had found it, only to find out he had other plans. According to Jeremiah 29:11, God does, in fact, have a plan for my life. Can he not see my flailing hand? Pick me, Lord, pick me! I cannot very well do what I must in order to achieve my purpose if I do not know what that purpose is! I like to think that sometimes when I'm wrong, it makes God laugh a little. When Saul was chosen as the first king of Israel, God spoke to Samuel and told him that he would meet a man on the road looking for donkeys and that man would be the king. Saul was selected because God could use him, but he was found because he was in search of his father's escaped donkeys. When David was chosen to be king, he was in the fields with his sheep, not lined up like his brothers in their father's house. David was just humble enough, and had pursued such skills as harp-playing, which made him just right for a placement with the king, who required soothing harp music to face his tormenting spirits. The fact is, God does have a plan for my life. But more importantly, God has a plan that includes my life! That means, whatever I am facing, whatever I am in pursuit of, whatever God has told me to do, I must go about that business, not because it is lined up with some great purpose, but because it lines up with God, which is, indeed, my purpose! I will not be chosen to answer every call, even if my hand is the most visible. God is looking for me to accomplish that which he has set before me. At a point when Joab, the commander of the Israelite army under David, was surrounded by foes on all sides, he said to his men: "Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight." - 2 Samuel 10:12 Amen! Daddy, I can offer only praises to the one who has it figured out. Thank you that you have set forth something that no man or woman can earn, but that you have placed us, through your love, just where we need to be. Help us to pursue you, for in doing so, we will witness the purpose you have prepared for our lives. Thank you that we do not have to be kings, but that you choose donkey-chasers and sheep-tenders, and even some over-achievers, to be a part of your plan. In Jesus's name, Amen

Am I Proof?

When the Israelites passed through the Red Sea, God showed them who he is - all Moses had to do was raise his staff and the waters parted for the crossing. When they got to the Jordan, there was no staff. God sent the priests carrying the ark of the covenant out into the water to get their feet wet. Then, the waters parted and the priests were instructed to remain there until all Israelites had crossed. When they got to Jericho, Joshua was given the marching orders and on the 7th time around the city on the 7th day, shouting, the city of Jericho fell to Joshua and his people. At each place, God reminded the people that he had delivered the cities into their hands. God had different instructions for various other takeovers, but as word spread of the powerful pilgrimage of the Israelites, the message was the same: these people who follow God are unbeatable! That was until Ai. At Ai, approximately 36 Israelites fell to the Amorites on the conquest attempt. What happened - did God go back on his promise? Joshua 7: 7-9: 7 And Joshua said, “Alas, Sovereign Lord, why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan! 8 Pardon your servant, Lord. What can I say, now that Israel has been routed by its enemies? 9 The Canaanites and the other people of the country will hear about this and they will surround us and wipe out our name from the earth. What then will you do for your own great name?” No, he didn't: 10 The Lord said to Joshua, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face? 11 Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant, which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions." It did Joshua no good to be crying out to God when the Israelites were not in line with God's orders. 13 “Go, consecrate the people. Tell them, ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow; for this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: There are devoted things among you, Israel. You cannot stand against your enemies until you remove them. Sometimes I wonder if we are proof enough of who God is. Do we love like he says to love? Do we do what he says to do? Are we proof that God is who he says he is?? One thing is clear: God doesn't need us to prove anything - he is proof enough, BUT I know I don't want to go around attempting to seize cities without some almighty back-up!! And we cannot stand before our enemies until we take away the things in our lives that are devoted to destruction. Daddy, Thank you that you deliver whole cities into the hands of those who act in accordance with your truth and purpose. Help us to remain in that truth and focus on that purpose so that we will not be caught before our enemies in a losing battle. May we always be the proof that you are who you say you are. May we perpetuate and not work in opposition to your great name! In Jesus's name, Amen

Good Day

The other day, I was driving with a friend of mine, who'd had a few days in which things just did not go as he had planned. However, this particular day, things were going mostly in his favor, so he said to me, "Today is a good day." I am sometimes too literal of a person, but I couldn't shake the visual: Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. Everyone knows the beginning of Genesis with all the "and God saw that it was good"s. One thing I noticed, though, is that he created us last. Of course, we were the final stroke on his masterpiece, but what struck me the most is that every day, God looked at his creation and saw that it was good. And we weren't even there. This means a day is not good or bad because of how it treated me. Actually, there are no bad days. All days are good. Inherently. Because God said so. Daddy, You are mighty and majestic. Thank you for every day you have created throughout time. Forgive us for trying to define you on our terms. Help us to remember that everything you have created has worth and value, including (but not limited to) us. In the name of your son we come to you, Amen.

Walking the Walk

Today I "ran" two miles on the track at the gym. I try to vary my exercises, but I like the track the most because it gives me time to think. Most days, it also provides opportunities for me to laugh. Let me explain. First, the thinking: today, I was thinking about the things we leave at the feet of Jesus. Specifically, the things I leave at his feet and how freeing it is that he takes them and gives me his hope, joy, peace, and strength in return. The image this conjures is a growing pile at the foot of the cross that Jesus is covering with his blood. It makes me want to take every little thing I don't want to deal with and let him do it all. But that's not really what it's about. I want to lay it down at your feet But I can’t let it there when I leave Can’t means something to me And I can’t leave this at your feet So if I bring this to you now I have to stay until you heal The pain you found inside me If I leave it with you I can’t go anywhere And if I want to leave I can’t give it to you This thing is attached to me And I need you to set me free. In case you didn't know, I am in a wheelchair. I was paralyzed in a car accident as a child. And I used to think if there was just some way I could leave my wheelchair with Jesus that I would be able to walk away, just like the man with the mat by the pool, which is why I wrote the poem above. But, that's not really what it's about, either (though I am totally still waiting for that day). Today, in lap 16 of 20, a man tapped me on the shoulder and said to me with a smile, "God bless you for keeping going." I know he meant well, but when he was out of sight, I started laughing. Out loud. Sometimes we believe that if we have a little, or even big, challenge in life we should either be able to drop it off with Jesus or give up entirely. Today I was reminded that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Can I walk? No, actually. Can I run, jump, skip? No, no, and no. So what can I do through Christ who gives me strength? I can pick up what I have and through the strength Jesus gives me I can keep going. Besides, Jesus carried his own cross, and his didn't even have wheels. Daddy, Thank you that you love us so much that you rescue us. Thank you that we can come to you when we are tired and burdened and you will give us rest in exchange for our junk. Thank you for trusting us with those things in life that are ours to pick up and keep going. Most of all, thank you for your portion of supernatural strength that is just right for each trial and task we face. Continue to be our source. In the name of your son we pray. Amen.

"It's Raining in Baltimore"

Anyone who knows me or reads Day 21 knows that I don't like flying. In case you don't, it may put things in perspective if I tell you I once drove from North Carolina to California simply in order to avoid flying there. For anyone who can relate, I bet I can name something you enjoy less than flying: turbulence. I know the feeling that creeps up in control freaks like me when the plane rumbles and then drops 20 feet like it was nothing. However, I can tell you that there is one feeling even worse than turbulence: the dread of it. When the pilot comes over the speaker and says, "This is the captain speaking. We are nearing Baltimore and seem to be heading into a storm. We will be experiencing some turbulence, so please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened until we give the all-clear." Ugh, I can feel it now... It's amazing what people will do to avoid rough patches. Me? I will drive over 3000 miles for 3 days to avoid a 5 hour flight. But what do you do when you are already in the plane? Sometimes we act like the turbulence in life is so worth avoiding that we would rather take a longer, more taxing route to get to our destination. I have to imagine if I were God I would be annoyed by this. After all, struggle is a part of life - how do you avoid life? The answer, of course, is that you don't. So, what do I do when I know the turbulence is coming? I pray. Out loud and out proud, I pray. Right before the rough patch, I close my eyes, hold on tight, and trust that God's got this. And you know what? The turbulence is terrible. But when I let go and open my eyes, I see the clouds clear and the plane settles and I can see a clear day over Baltimore as we come in for a smooth landing. Daddy, Thank you for life. Thank you for the ups and the downs, and for entrusting us with struggle and seeing us through to the other side of the rough times. Help us to fully rely on you as we anticipate, endure, and recover from life's turbulence. Be our source and our firm foundation. May we not back down from the storm, as it is usually the storm that gets us closer to where we need to be. In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen Romans 5: 3 Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. 4 And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. 5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

Bearing Ring Pops

I was in kids' church a couple weeks ago helping out with the lesson. One of the activities the leaders include regularly is a Bible trivia competition. If a child gets the answer correct, they receive a Ring Pop, or if they don't know the answer, they can tag another child to answer. When it was Mia's turn, she was shy and uncomfortable. The answer to the trivia question was simply "Jesus", but Mia didn't grow up in church, so she didn't know the answer. Kayla raised her hand because she knew the answer and Mia tagged her. "Jesus," Kayla answered with confidence. She was promptly rewarded with a Ring Pop while Mia returned to her seat empty-handed. Kayla proved she knew about Jesus. But more impressive was what happened next. "Mia. Mia..." I heard whispers behind me and turned around just in time to see Kayla pass her Ring Pop to Mia, who began beaming. Kayla does not only know about Jesus. Kayla knows Jesus. And now Mia and any other child sitting in my corner of the room knows that Kayla knows Jesus. If sharing a Ring Pop is any indication of knowing Jesus, then all those children want to know him now too. Matthew 7:17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. 21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ Knowing about Jesus is a wonderful thing: it is good for our growth and for the growth of those with whom we interact. Far more powerful are the fruits that prove we know Jesus, and those fruits are what bring others to seek and find the true source of truth and love. Daddy, Thank you for the gift you sent us in your Son. Thank you that you know us and seek a relationship with us. Thank you for giving us your word to instruct and guide us. Give us the wisdom to know about you and help us bear the fruits to show others who you really are. In Jesus' name, Amen